People often ask me "NofashionLou, what makes you better than me" or I get
"Your opinion is just as good as mine", because after all an opinion is just that: ones view of the world. Well I am here
to tell you why my opinion matters more than yours. No, better than that I am going to categorically go through just a smidgen
of what makes me superior to you and in the process assert myself over you.
Well first, I write for a Fashion website. Truth be told its
not MY site or even a dot-com, but hey, unless you are posted on a FASHION website what can you say. Heck this site has VERY
little to even do with fashion, so much as a forum for a small group of friends to make fun of a music scene that they equally
hate and support. So because of this little fact I can make fun of whatever you wear, whenever I darn well choose. I can say
things like "Oh nice black band t-shirt and jeans, real originality there-it isn't as though superfashionclaude didn't
already INVENT and PERFECT that look". Now what can you say to that, as that I write for a FASHION
Now I would like to call attention to my pants. Honestly look at them.
Well, you probably can't see them, so let me describe them to you, Neanderthal. Well, first off, I actually have two
amazing pairs of pants: one pair of blue jeans and a pair of green cut-offs. The jeans are a dark blue; the kind of blue that
a workingman gets from Sears. Yet the underside is a light blue and almost silvery. When I roll them up, the cuff creates
this ASTOUNDING roll. You can't really fuck with that roll. Honestly. Then my cut-offs look like late-80s or early 90s skater
shorts. The cut goes about four inches below my knee so when I wear boots and a pair of socks you can only see about three
inches of leg. So with that little skin I can wear these pants into the cold Nordic weather or just wear them as shorts. We
are talking about ideal clothing regardless of the heat OR cold. This continues my tough appearance. I rule.
Now that I just mentioned them: my boots. These are standard issue black
Doc Martens. Simple, yet elegant. I got these boots about three or four years ago and have worn them non-stop. I can
run, jump and dance in them as good as any sneakers. Yes, I may need to resole the bottom someday, but until then these boots
are armor for my toes. ARMOR!! Also I can polish them up and when worn with a nice pair of pants, people assume I have nice
shoes on BUT THEY ARE BOOTS! INCREDIBLE!
Now if you are foolish to tell me your musical
choices, I will more than likely laugh at you, because my musical choices are FAR better than yours. And why is this do
you ask? Well, let me call attention to the fact that I have seen nearly EVERY VH1 Behind The Music. Also if you tell me of
a band I will quickly go to www.allmusic.com and see what their bio is and what their musical schtick may be. Then I will look through Buddyhead.com to get any interesting
gossip about them. All the while I will be impressing you by looking down at whatever you say and responding Well they aren't
Motorhead, cause quite frankly they aren't. Lets be honest how does one really retaliate to Lemmy is God. You can't, don't
On top on that, I am a DJ at a college radio station. This station is
only one of the few independent ones within 50 miles, so if you want to hear good music you have to listen to that
station. If you are listening to that station then, you have to hear what I play. You can't escape my choices. Sure you can
change the station, but I may just play something you like next. If you leave you may NEVER know. I OWN YOU!
What happens if you think I am merely quirky and you are still feeling that
you have any right to talk to me at a party and your name isn't SuperFashionClaude, elGooso666 or Semi-FashionEJ. Well
I will tell what will happen, you will soon realize how lame you are for drinking your mix drink as I start slamming back
my straight whiskey. Chaser? You chase whiskey with more whiskey you Nancy-boy! Why are you at this party? To meet girls?
Fuck that! I am there to get drunk with my boys. To achieve this: whiskey. IT IS THAT
EASY. Shall we simply just quote Mr. Andrew WK, "we want fun and we wanna get wasted". 'Nuff Said.
I just quoted Andrew WK. You might as well shit yourself now.
Imagine your favorite band is 2 Man Advantage. Imagine you had EVERY piece
of their merch like the super-fan you are, except a t-shirt that they stopped printing long ago that is their logo on the
front and it says Skate Edge on the back. You would have to ask me for that shirt because I have one, and you dont.
Be nice to me and I may part with it, but ya know what? I won't! Grovel some more or hit e-bay, twit!
Who knew I was so much better than you? Oh wait me! And here's another
thing. Remember back in the early 1990s when we all thought MTV was cool and they had just few time slots devoted to non-video
programming? Remember Liquid TV with Aeon Flux and The Head? Well, I got The Maxx on video! What is The Maxx? It was
an early 1990s comic book that was put out by a then cult comic book company Image. What you don't know Image? Well,
go make out with a shotgun and stop wasting my oxygen. Regardless I have this video and you will probably never see it. This
could be because only cool people watch it, and we'll add one and one sucka.
Before I make you feel too insignificant, let me just end by saying my
friends are WAY cooler than your friends. Honestly they tend to surpass "friend" level and just go straight to "bro".
These are all people who would not only take a bullet for me, but if need be they would pull the trigger. How many people
do you think care about you that much? (Tick-tock Tick-tock) Hmmmm? Please note: on my IM Buddy list there is even a section
for "Bros". Do you have Bros on your Buddy list? No you don't and I do. Some of my bros may even be your friends, but I bet
they like me more. Why do I say this? Did you notice that I called them bros and you didn't? Yeah, way to go LOSER.
So, now do you understand why my opinion counts more than yours? If
you don't then that is merely one more reason I rule. This was just a short list by the way: for me to go on why I am better
than you would just cause you to go to therapy after realizing your life is that unfulfilled. So consider yourself
lucky, like SUPER-lucky.