|
OK Kids, there is no question that Makeoutclub has been kicking it for a while now. We all used to make fun of
it (and actually we still do), but you may have noticed more and more people you respect giving in and throwing up profiles.
At first you're shocked and ashamed to have the friends that you do, but as more of your crew give in you, perhaps, have started
to feel the itch, the tingling burn to post your own sorry ass up for lonely computer geeks everywhere to see. Now
is your chance to recieve the instruction you so crave, as you enter the world of MAKEOUTCLUB!
FOR STARTERS: Go to www.makeoutclub.com and click on the "HOME" page, then click the "JOIN" link. Read all the crap that says they aren't responsible for stalkers,
etc and start entering your information.
A FEW LESS THAN OBVIOUS POINTS:
Have a good AIM screenname. This should be obvious. Too many numbers makes you look seriously
NOT creative. If your screenname is Billy736455 just stop reading superfashionchic and jump out your window, into traffic.
Think up something a tad more tortured, funny, sad (emo), mysterious or tragic. Then consider throwing some Xs at the
beginning and end-scene points galore and you don't even have to be straightedge anymore. Sweet deal, Bro!
Have your LOCATION be at least close to accurate. If you're a college student, throw up your college
AND hometown. If you hangout in a closeby town often, throw that up there. This way when the hotties are on the
road, you stand more chances of meeting new Kids. Also you can act like you aren't living in the sticks at your parents
house, using this glorious technique.
ICQ is not actually used unless you are a geek fucker with trillion. AIM is free and really easy.
Also, if you hate AOL, we don't blame you, but free is free, and you can put your Nikes back on and go back to Computer World
and stick PC Gamer straight up your PCI slot. Nobody cares and all the cool kids use AIM. Get over it.
YOUR PHOTO: This is very important, this is the first thing other Kids look at, and is
your chance to LOOK DAMN GOOD. If you're cool, use your digital camera and snap a bunch of hot pics. Send some
to superfashionchic@hotmail.com and pick the raddest one to use on Makeoutclub. If you are not terminally obsessed with all things digital, get an
analog (get it?) photo and find some geek with a scanner-scan it at a lower resolution so it won't be too big and will load
fast. If you're lucky you might have a pic floating around that's acceptable, you can always go back and add a new one
later. REALLY KEY POINT: crop your pic so it looks good, and shows off YOU rather than the distracting crap behind you.
If you don't know how, pat yourself on the back and turn up that Queers record, Noodlebrain!
Good pics will show you looking either: tough, sensitive (emo), playful, tortured, tragic, metal, elusive, hot, cute,
serious, or just be silly beyond imagination. Try to avoid editing the photo till it looks like the cover of My Bloody
Valentine's "Loveless" album, because then nobody will notice you because of the hot slice under your profile. REMEMBER:
you want your profile to look like you don't care, but we all know you do.
A possible deviation can be attempted by including a pic of something other than yourself (eg-Thora Birch, your cat or
a shot of some burning children), to sorta throw the Kids for a loop and demonstrate that you REALLY don't give a fuck.
This is way better than the Loveless thang.
Another good trick is to make a collage outta a few different pics of yourself, which can be a sweet project, if you
have the free time, which we all know you do.
If you play in a band, be ABSOLUTELY SURE to use a pic of you rocking out. essential. Even if you aren't
in a band, get a pic of you posing with your instrument, you can pour water all over yourself and crop it tight to look like
you're rocking Kids HARD at a huge show, warming up for NOFX or POISON THE WELL.
YOUR "INTERESTS/PROFILE (band list): This is really important, because this and "Location" and
the most often searched fields. This is the really tricky part. How do you represent yourself to the Kids?
The answer is your band list. This is your chance to show everyone online just how Indie/Metal/Punk/Hardcore/whatever
you are. Golly!
Typically, it's good to list bands that you actually actively listen to, so if anyone actually wants to IM you, they
can have an idea about you. Remember that in todays social climate, the music you listen to is more than entertainment,
it is the flag of culture and style that you wave at the Korn kids and record store clerks. Be proud of the music you
love. This being said:
Try to avoid listing every cool band you own/saw live. Nobody believes you, and furthermore a huge band list is
basically like saying "read my self-indulgent online diary i have so i can tell the world what cool records i'm listening
to, and what cool things my scenester friends did while trying to make out with the guys from the Locust". A lot of
kids (even me) listen to a ton of records, and sometimes it's easy to get outta control-i don't have a favorite band
for more than a week or two, you have to specify a genre/mood, but I'm a geek. A larger list w/variety is better than
a long-ass list of all the "right" bands.
THE "RIGHT" BANDS: The Locust, Godspeed You Black Emporor, Modest Mouse, Shellac, Murder City
Devils, Coheed & Cambria, Motorhead, Dropdead (haha!), Magnetic Fields, The Cancer Conspiracy, Pavement, Bright Eyes, Jets
to Brazil, Jawbreaker, Fugazi, Sunny Day Real Estate, Refused, This Computer Kills, Saetia, I Am Spoonbender, The Faint, Belle
& Sebastian, The Smiths, etc (you know what bands we mean)
ACCEPTABLE "BIG" BANDS: The Cure, The Flaming Lips, Tool, Sick of It All, Ramones (they
ARE big), Jimmy Eat World (they are on their 3rd major label release), etc. Remember that it just has to be good, and
you have to like it or at least want Kids to think you do. Remember that nobody on MOC actually is listing bands they
really like, otherwise Andrew WK would be in every profile, it's all about the image you are trying to project. You
Kids are lucky we're here to tell you about this.
OTHER GOOD PRACTICES: It's nice to include smaller bands that you are friends with, as
a show of support. It can also make you look wicked underground, which is key. You make even want to make up some
bands, just so you sound smart/estoteric. Mention Endicott or Layton Avenue and our friend D will make out with you.
Honest.
Another good ploy is to throw in some 80s bands, like the Crue, GNFNR, Warrent, Ratt etc. This shows you have a
sense of humor, and justifies all those T Shirts you paid WAY too much for on Ebay six months ago. No Winger, though,
please. Skid Row if you mention "Youth Gone Wild".
Be sure to stay under contol with this.
ADDITIONAL PROFILE POINTS: It's not good to beg for people to IM you. A good way
to cheat on this rule is to mention that you're "always online", "have no life" or the classic "i'm bored". ALWAYS mention
that you are
bored.
For the love of Pete, if you book shows/are in a band/do a zine MENTION THAT! This is a good way to work yourself
up some connections, if you have any online personality (which i don't, but some do). This, i think, was the original
purpose of Makeoutclub, haha.
Try to avoid catty/bitchy/dramatic messages cryptically left in your profile. If you want to communicate with your
"ex" or that special someone you don't have the balls to talk to in person, write them an email. Don't play stupid games,
because they make you look soooo dumb. Plus it makes semifashionEJ pretty pissed.
There are a few basic types of profiles to be aware of, check these out kids...
The "Type A" profile is a good mix of intelligent and funny. It demonstrates that subject is modest, potentially
good for conversation and doesn't take self too seriously. Deep, yet approachable-they could IM your folks. This
ploy (it's ALWAYS a ploy) is an excellent choice for you good, honest kids who are stand-up sorta people. It's also
a good way for you brooding, angry types to come off a lot nicer than you are at partys or the bowling alley. The "Type
A" profile is common, and is usually the best way to go for your first post.
The "Type B" profile is a slippery thing indeed. It's almost a trick, really-a mystery. One one hand, the
first half of the profile is cute and a tad flirty, but the the second half throws you the curveball. The band list
here seems to have little to do with someone that likes buying lipstick and love letters: or does it? This is an excellent
way to appear approachable (inviting, even) but mysterious. The simple photo belies little of the band list, and the
band list makes you think "killer". One important element to consider, is that "Type B" profiles rely even more on someone
taking the time to read it, so the photography takes on extra importance. This profile seems to say "i'm romantic, but
underneath all that i'm tricky and metal, possibly even a twit". Proceed with caution and facination.
Ok, the pic is fine, but this kid BLOWS IT in the profile. Some Kids might IM this fool, but nobody that reads
superfashionchic, that's THE DAMN TRUTH, Kids. Please re-read this whole article and remember that a lame profile is
as good as throwing your modem on the floor at a Converge show.
|
