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The Ever Changing but Fundamentally Static Rock Chix

nofashionLou: dazed from weeks of intense research

nofashionLou explores the human female in the anthropological sense.  In a sense....

         Emo Gash Versus 80s Metal Chix [yes thats C-H-I-X]       



            OK so maybe I am disgruntled with being unable to find a grrlfriend lately [always accepting applications], but it seems that every gal I talk to on MakeOutClub [we all do, don't deny it you lame ass muthahfukkahs] is lame. REAL lame. Lame in the music they front, lame in the homogenized style they sport, and lame in the attitude department to boot. So instead of thinking it's my fault [yeah, right read Why I am Cooler Than You] superfashionclaude thought it would be WAY more worthwhile to get drunk and talk shit. Thus you see this article before you.

            Today we will be exploring the interesting dynamic that trends are cyclic and that for all the moving forward of female empowerment ladies in "tough" music scenes remain at the status of coat hangers, speaker rats and [the ever fun and ever more slutty] groupie with regards to shows. BUYA! In the heyday of arena rock/cock rock/hair metal we had the Rock Chix. The ever clichéd person we now joke about when watching old hair metal bands. They were abundant and nameless [kinda like the KISS Army]; they flocked to shows en masse and ended up as just another status symbol. Oh, what a legacy they left! After that gals would NEVER do such heinous things [think of that story of Led Zeppelin, the groupie and the shark] or be such blatant accessories to the vanguard of something so foolish as male machismo: Right? Oh well- just go to ANY hardcore/emo/punk show and know that theory can be tossed out the window. Perhaps there is an air around emo gash [no pun intended] that makes them so annoying yet desirable. The tragic thing gets REAL old, REAL fast, but we keep after them in hopes of something (butt sex?).  Who knows [well besides semifashionEJ, another story for another day youngins]? Regardless, I think we are all waiting for the tragic emo gal thing to wear thin and to be just as funny and clichéd [and dare I say Ironic] in about 7 years as the poodle hair of decades past.

You think I am wrong? Let me just note a few examples for y'all.

She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.

1988                               VERSUS                                 2003


Dyed Hair


Peroxide Blonde                                               Black [as your tragic soul]



Jean Jackets


Acid Wash                                                   Pre-faded





High Top Sneakers                                       Racing Stripe Sneakers





WAY too tight band tee                                Way too tight band tee

[often of the exact same bands, how IRONIC!]




 Tight; Acid wash jeans                            Tight; Pre-faded jeans



"It" Place to Hang out


Bars [that don't ID]                            Coffee shops [cause they don't ID]




Large as EJ's dick                                          Side Bag





Around neck                                                     Back Pocket




Hold back their mane of hair                      Hold hair back from bangs

"In" Look


Not from the Trailer Park                             Not from the Suburbs





Roses, unicorns, butterflies, hearts                  Butterflies, stars, flowers, broken hearts


Hot Band to Listen To

Rush                                                                   Coheed and Cambria




Yup.                                                                 Yup.



Belle and Sebastian OR Atreyu: Your call




Jelly Bracelets                                                          Spiked Arm Bands


Spiked Arm Bands                                       Jelly Bracelets



How to get 'popular'


                 Be a groupie                         Dump your cool boyfriend for an asshole band member



Sensitive Songs


'November Rain'                                           'Screaming Infidelities'



Fashion Belts


At least 2 extra and spiky                            At least 2 extra and white



Dudes you want that look like gals


Nelson Twins                                                   Davey Havoc





Mini - leather                                                  Mini - pleather





Big hoops                                                   Big plugs



Band you dont listen to


Anthrax                                                            Anthrax

hey Kids. you know this is THE DAMN TRUTH!