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Fashion Reviews 5 - ALRIGHT!

As we all know 'tu-blathe' means 'to bluff'

Lydia rawks the mesh AND the horns!
let's just hope she never calls out 'FREEBIRD!'

Awww, Lydia is stylin' in the orange trucker hat. And purple is a color that just doesn't get enough play. We'll rep for her right to wear purple, cos ya see, sfc is here for the kids; especially kids throwin' the horns. Some people are afraid of children being exposed to 'the dark side', but frankly is Satan really sitting there writing Emperor riffs? Not likely. I think some dork in his bedroom is, with a towel around his neck pretending it's a cape. Regardless, it's best to expsoe children to the world and let them make some descions for themselves instead of being fed the mainstream American Nationalist crap. Thus, Lydia [or all kids that listen to 'monster music' as I have heard them call it] fuckin rules!

Chainz doin a variation on the plugs
this man need not justify his actions to anyone

who knew coathangers had yet another purpose in life, i mean i figured with a scenester grrlfriend that my coat situation was taken care of. and now that our president continues to cut options for planned parent hoods i was going to be able to donate all my coathangers to some guy in a back alley. but is that how they use them on Guam? if it is then we need to go there on a fact finding mission and hang with the local ladies for verification. or is this innovation your own? are you ever the trendsetter mr. chainz? inquring minds must know.

wife beaters - always appropriate
gals surfing doesn't mean you grope

summer shows are fun. lotsa people around, hopefuly everyone is in a half decent good mood, and the inevitable crowd surfer. note this young vixens top- plain white tank. it's providing nice contrast with the black knickers though. yet, as we have noted before: white gets dirty fast! outdoor show means grass stains and dust. by the end of the day you look Golum from Lord of the Rings, which shows you were out there partying it up. we respect that. especially that Mr. Andrew WK wears white and you can tell he's been partying hard.

Crystal hanging near the Artic Circle
Have a cigar

pink jacket huh? normally we would tell ya to pitch that thing for a leather one, but seeing as how you are smokin a stogie in our most northern state, we'll let it slide. we also see the sandals in this picture. you are wearing a down coat but have on sandals! though word on the street is that you are a nurse and therefore MUST have a sexy nurses outfit. if you don't then why? aren't they issued upon certification. then again most nurses i see probably wouldn't look to spectacular in one... oh the conundrum. would you wear one to a BBQ if one were held?

Grab the handlebars and hang on!
Rancid... nuff said

Yes, Rocktober is National Mustache Month. But mustaches are sketchy, I mean Kyle from Incantation Has a mustache [5 scene points if you got that reference]. Yet the 'Handlebar' is a horse of a different colour. This was the ubiquitos choice in facial hair at Warped this summer for those that COULD grow facial hair. This consisted of about 14 people, and half were roadies. Regardless Matt Freeman was doin this look justice, and I am just too scared to talk smack about Rancid.

Paging Flock of Sea Gulls...
"So I heard this new indie label: Saddle Creek"

ya know, it's the sweater. if it were JUST the hair we could perhaps let it go. but this is a clear sign of ugly/moderately ok looking dude trendjumping in order to pull ahead of competition. know what though? he went there, so now it's our job to go 'there' too. yes, we guessed you like everything Saddle Creek has put out [ahem- label guy]. yes, your lack of shoulder development in that sweater makes us cringe. THAT SWEATER- it doesn't look inherantly bad, just inherantly banal. why is dull cool? you are shouting to the world around you, "look at me I am a wallflower!"

See what happens when you threaten our libidos

Ahhhh, what few things are more annoying than cheerleaders? The athletes on the field hate to hear them, the people on the sidelines get bored with the cheers and then there are those who detest them as reenforcing the sexist world of male dominated sports. It seems the only people who are enjoying it are the parents of the cheerleader who spent waaaay too much money on gymnastics and ballet lessons to not feel special for even a moment. Guess what mom... your daughters a whore, just like you were when you were a cheerleader! Now her marketable skills amount to nothing in the real world, so her only hope is to marry her high school sweetheart. Like that stupid doof thats around all the time that you hate dad? Yea, him. Oh what a marvelous life you've constructed for her. Now go fuck your secretary and be miserable pops.

Touque weather!
this is not a beanie/woolie

colder weather is upon us. well if you are in a land where it actually gets cold, not like north carolina where it just gets brisk but everyone flips out and buys The North Face apparel. anyway, if you do reside in  colder climate you already know that touque time is nigh. [pronounced tooooook or something]. these are not 'beanies' or 'woolies' if ya want to roll with the big dogs. this one is gray- which is permissable. needless to say black is the preferred color. neon colors and fleece- nothin doin. wool! ya hear us... WOOL. the coolest thing about these is when you arent wearing it you can put in your back pocket INSTEAD OF YOUR BANDANA.

There's Something About Mary-Hair = No
I bet she's listening to 'The Faint'

oh dearie. we saw that movie, we know you didn't mean to look like this. or, egahd, did you? this hair requires far too much product to sit at home talking to people on Friendster. did you really get all hussied up to sit in your cave like hovel and not do anything particularly productive? wooooo! we mean, you have potential with that 'Frauline' shirt and you obviously can make your hair into something interesting [note we did not say good].

elGooso666, undercover art student
what's good for the goose, is good for the gander

Is this a drama student laying about? Nah, if it were that would be a cup of tea in the hand and a bottle of pills in the other. It's omnipotent force: elGooso666! Whether this man is wandering about trying to look more artistic than thou or laying waste to the masses with his rapier wit [whish whish whish] he is doin it in style.All black WITH eyeliner is a lethal combination. Guarenteed to moisten the panties. Ladies if you LUCKY you may be able the hallowed chance to play with his twenty sided dice.

The spikes have begun to multiply by themselves!
does that hug look forced?

I just hope that isn't the friend who let you go out looking like that honey. Did you read someplace that spike braceletts were chic? Do you really realize when enough is enough [Enuff Z Enuff?]. I hope the attendant at Hot Topic got commission on your sorry-Madonna-wannabe-looking twerp ass. Is that a bondage purse too? Do you even have your own identity? Your eyebrows are horribly waxed. Oh and streaks with that outfit... do I really need to say anything more. Your only chance at penance is to listen to the entire Dead Kennedys catalogue [Alternative Tentacles era of course] and then make out with superfashionClaude.

What 'cool' band would sign an Atticus tee
if you are on the shoulders... tops off.

Didn't we warn you about skate companies? Were you NOT paying attention? You're gonna get the time out chair. Just because every member in Blink 182 gets to have a fashion line does not mean you should wear it. Atticus... they have a dead crow as a logo. The movie The Crow was awesome. Why do you want that crow dead? It helped save the day,  you probably like Saves The Day, you look bland enough to. Where was I going with this review? Oh yea, it's hard for short people to see through your rolls when you sit on your lame-ass boyfriend's shoulders. Unless you are tryin to show the band what ya momma gave ya, don't do this, it's bothersome.

Yes we get it already, you're 'artsy'
you talkin me?

'vintage' tees, at this point, are just getting boring. people aren't even finding clever ones anymore. just like 'oh hey, this will finish off my failing out of art school look'. perhaps if I just add some buttons and take Tim Burtons hair people will think I invented this look...

Shit in a can (I'll eat it). $5 - FTB