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The premise for this article: being hot can be manipulated. Some broads got it others almost got it. This isn't
fair. Why should little miss perfect body get all the action? If you are in the latter category here are ten [plus
one] ways to climb aboard the sexy train, fake everyone else out and get the boys' [and dames'] boots a knockin'.
1. Ink. Yeah, you heard me, we are that shallow. If a lady has GOOD ink that adds like 75 points
to the "Hot" scale. Ink to avoid: roses, small butterflies, tribal, and an overabundance of stars. I would add as an addendum,
just like real estate LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Nuff said.
2. Good Hair. This is a godsend. Heres the deal: your face, skin, size, bone structure
all are in born. You have NO control over them. Hair you do. Take the time to craft it right. Grow it out, sculpt it, use
the right product. DO NOT BOTCH THIS ONE.
3. Take up a martial art like tae-bo, capoeira, kick boxing [even cardio is cool], whatever.
This is not to push the in shape agenda. Nope, a far more base reason: rough sex. Guys want it, and if you are already half
way there all sweaty like... just trust me on this.
4. Approach us at shows. We know this isn't standard operating procedure, but did you ever
stop to think that we don't approach you out of fear for our own lives. No one wants to mack it with the girl who is with
one of the guys in the band. Like we really want our asses beat by 4 dudes for checking out your scoop neck shirt. If you
like what we are wearing simply walk up to us and say, "hey I like your shirt, and by the way I am not here with anyone else".
That simple. Also please don't talk about ex-boyfriends. We really dont want to hear about them [unless you dated Lemmy].
This would be greatly appreciated.
5. Dont be fat.
6. Hang out at strip clubs. You may not be as hot as the ladies on the pole, but they will
talk to you and that will provide us with an 'in'. Then when we get rejected [cause we will] you get to be a rebound. Sounds
sleazy, but hey this is all about being filled out like a job application.
7. Be naked online. It helps if you have the 1 & 2 especially. Lets be honest, no one is
REALLY looking deep into your eyes [please refer to my interviews with the Suicide Girls]. If you cant go all the way, at
least have pics in of you in your underwear. This works really well to lure the beast in.
8. Dont be ages 12-17. Well its ok if you are, but we don't want jailbait. So don't dress
like you are 22 if you are 14. Better yet, just don't tell us you aren't under 18 since we dont really care. LIE LIE LIE,
it's all good baby.
9. This one goes along the same lines ElGooso mentioned for guys. Instead of jumping in front of trends,
you want to cross trends. Well if you are a hippy slide on a black tee [throw on a Mayhem one for good
measure], bullet belt and with already there dreads- voila! you have crossed over and look metal. Or instead of the emo kid
look, pull away and apply many of the same things to a rockabilly look. Whatever it takes! Let the guys start their ogling.
10. Be slutty.
11. Acknowledge that you may not be able to pull off all looks. Just accept it. This puts you
way ahead of the leg warmer crowd. Most of which have NO fashion sense, are fucking clones, and should be shot. DEATH TO FALSE
SCENESTERS!
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