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*Hot pants are hot, but not on you.
*There is much debate over the faux-hawk. I say use it with caution. It's all about
presentation and attitude.
*This isn't really about fashion, but
it concerns a lot of us: This issue has to do with profile pics. Ok guys, whether its friendster or MOC or even yahoo personals, you need to keep a couple things
in mind. First of all stop posting pics of you and some girl giving you a big
ol' smooch on the cheek. This leaves the rest of us assuming it's your girlfriend
or that you are a playa and other mixed signals. It's really a desperate attempt
and as if you are saying "look, see, a hot chick is kissing me, I swear to god
I'm hot and the ladies love me, look, proof!" Also, get a new pic. Get rid of
the one from your cousin's wedding. You need to have variety and updates. Oh,
and most importantly, have a picture of yourself. Its a major red flag to the
ladies if you don't.
*Now to the ladies: Stop the dramatic pics. Like OMG, I'm soooo scrawny and dramatic
and listen to the band of the moment, fuck me! SWEATER! Get over yourself, enough with the scene drama, no one cares.
****I'm being uber serious right now:
If you are 17 or younger, DON'T post those porno pics. No skivvies or boobs, nothing. It is sooo not cool, cuz all my bros
fall for it then find out your real age and freak out. Dude, you're legally a
CHILD, that's really gross. Besides, I'll tell your parents. (Sfc cares)
*Ok, so I'm starting to see a lot of leg
warmers and they are popping up everywhere. Yeah, I took dance for 6 yrs, I was
a 'lil ballerina so therefore I wore them. So this trend is kind of creeping me out.
I say stick to black or red if you truly feel the need to wear them. Avoid
the baby blue though; you dont want to look like you have a bad case of cankles. Hey, I know, just don't wear them at all.
*Since we're down there, I need to let
y'all know something. Stop wearing those wicked witch shoes/boots. There's nothing sexy about big ol' feet on chicks or elongated shoes like that. They make me want to drop houses on people. The only person
who truly appreciates that style is Dexter, and all he wants to do is sniff glue and stomp on your pretty feet. So set them
down, step away and then REALLY look at them. You'll soon see what the toomuchfashionD means.
In closing, I'm sure youve noticed how I refer negatively
to 80s styles and how they are popping up in culture and fashion. Well thats
because I lived through the 80s so I know better. Every decade has something
to offer in relation to fashion, but honestly the 80s are at the bottom of that list.
Seriously, I'm here to help YOU.
Cheers! tmfD
Ok you guys, ready for yet another round of fashion expertise?
I've had a couple of issues brought to my attention.
-First of all Hot Topic is good for accessorizing, comic books
and other books, and god forbid the occasional band tee. (Emergency use only) you
cant purchase belt buckles there, those are sacred and need history behind them.
-Im still seeing girls
outside of porn sites and private schools, wearing lil schoolgirl outfits. Unfortunately
its usually fat hot topic chicks that wear them with crazy amounts of fishnets, have shitty green hair and eyebrow rings (ewww),
and black lipstick. Ok first of all, white usually works against you, got that? Second of all dont take your dads work shirt and your dead grandmas wool skirt ok. If you feel the need to express yourself in that schoolgirl way, get a nice fitted
girlie shirt, and a nice skirt. You can even get this at Deb withought spending
more than $20. And get the right knee-highs, not leftover ones from soccer camp
3 yrs ago.
-Denim on Denim:
This is for everyone, not just scenesters. I'm sick of seeing people that
think just because jeans jackets are in, they can wear them with some old pair of jeans.
You can't wear denim on denim. There are, however, exceptions
to this rule: if it is a specific outfit meant to have it and/or you got lucky and can properly rock it.
-This brings me to my next issue:
How many band buttons can one have on his or her denim jacket?
After discussing this with the appropriate authorities, I've come to the conclusion that you can have between 5 and
7 before it becomes too much. You can only have them in odd numbers though: any
art student would know that.
-Dude what the fuck is up with this 80's fashion? *hissss.. NO
SWEATER DRESSES!!! NO angled semi-fitted shirts that
go past your butt. NO acid washed ANYTHING!!! STOP shredding your jeans and shirts, (that's not good DIY) and
definitely DON'T pay someone to do it for you. Really, I mean
it, STOP IT! Why do I even have to tell you people? Am I missing some sick joke? Arrg. No one ever listens.
-So we're all sick of hearing about the bling-bling, but don't
write it off completely. Simple silver (or gold) and black jewelry with diamond-like
bling can give your outfit a classy, clean and sophisticated edge. Hoop and diamond-like
studded earrings are HOT (and why my ears are NOT stretched). Several simple similar bracelets, stylized rings, earring and
necklaces are superfashion yeah, yeah, yeahs that can really pull it all together. (No more than 2 necklaces at a time, unless
you're the Queen Bee). Anyone who knows me can say I rep this look pretty hard. Calling all Suga Daddies, Miss D needs more bling! -Finally, on a sad note, I had to take out my labret recently after 5 damn good
years. I had the fishtail but it failed me.
My dentist pointed out that it was wearing away at the gum line on one of my teeth; on the side the tail rests. That was the whole issue of why I opted
for the fishtail instead of the flat back. BLAH (I dont know who I am anymore). So kids, I know you love your piercings, but sometimes they just don't love you back. Be careful, we can't have any som'er teeth scenesters. |
toomuchfashionD's previous wisdom:
- Flowers
in the hair: Very cute if done right. First
of all fake flowers are obvious and therefore a NO-NO. Please,
no red roses unless you know what you're doing. Stick to lilies, orchids, and
flowers of that general shape. Fuchsia flowers on black hair are HOT!
- For
decades we've all made the mistake of cutting our bangs ourselves. -Ok, so I
can do it well, but we all know most people can't. Just pick up any tattoo mag
and check out the Betty hair don'ts with the Special Ed. short bangs. Lets face
it, they can seriously backfire on you and no one will tell you because they think youre trying to be unique and don't want
to bring you down.
- Striped
Hair (peroxide and brownish/black) Ok I'm soooo serious about this one. 98%
of you look REALLY BAD with this. Even
I don't dare try it, I'll stick with the black, thank you. Unless you're Michelle
from Hollywood Streetwalker (who is oh-so cute and really the only girl that can properly rock this look), you need to dye
it one color. Highlights are one thing, stripes are another.
- Since
we're talking about bad hair, let us talk briefly about that whole Chelsea cut thing.
So, I see a lot of girls are still going through that tank-girl-yet-want-to-be-hot thing. Well, if you have this look or any other style for that matter, you need to maintain that shizz-nizzle. Trim it, its a shaggy backwards mullet. Oh
god, and don't let the sides get too bulky, they end up looking like pound puppy ears. (pssst: if you're fat, it just makes you look like a militant feminist and/or a lesbian- If that's the look you want, well, more power to ya).
- Baby
Blue=Baby Fat! (Not Baby PHAT) If you're
chunky and think that wearing an innocent pastel like baby blue might up the cuteness factor..you're wrong. When I was rocking the freshman 15(+ or a few) I made this mistake. Hindsight is always
20/20.
- Tarzan
shirts..I'll admit it, I'm guilty of owning two. But at least they're mostly
black. What's up with the DIY ones? Like,
yeah, I can rip up a shirt and tie it all funny to the side-yippee! Maybe I'm
a snob but I'm not down with the poorman's tarzan. If youre going to wear one,
keep it simple, safe colors and store bought.
7. As nonfashionlLou pointed out, enough with
studded things. Blah, I shouldn't have to say anymore about that. Really people.
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