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Video game review? You should see this crazy crap!

Lightweight Champion of the World...dammit

Goose comes out about his gaming ways, but he lets up in on something we might have never known about. 

From the land of tentacle rape, tentacles raping multiple women, and exploding ring/ barwire rope matches comes one of the best game ideas never tried before. From the land of the rising sun comes Um Jammer Lammy,  the sequel to Parapa the Rapper. Now what makes this game great you ask? The fact that you are rocking out on a guitar that is in your mind to pass level, and music in the storyline, aptly described by superfashionclaude as "having music that sounds like it was written by Shonen Knife, while having lyrics that appear to be written by Wesley Willis."


Here's the  skinny  on  the  plotline, you play the character of Lammy guitarist for the all-teen girl band, Milk Can. An all-teen girl band  in a  Japanese video game, now that's not shocking  but  if  you  wanna play  the  game and not have me take all of the storyline out of it skip the next line. (Their was absolutey no tentacle rape, "sexy" 12 year olds in school girl outfits, any single hint of lesbianism, or incest in the entire game.) The members  of the  band include Lammy the hero of the game as well as  being a guitar playing scenester looking bitch(no really she's a female dog).  Ma-san, the drum playing bitch with a red cocktail dress on and a firecracker sticking out of the top of her head. The third and final member of this triumvirant of rock is Katy Kat, the bass  player and lead vocalist of Milk Can, who also happens to be a blue cat.


                                   THE GOOD AND THE BAD 


            Instead of confusing  you with a storyline that makes Irradiated Beef seem as simple to follow as a Slayer song I will instead give a summation on what I, Goose, thought was for good and bad within this game.


            THE GOOD

1.The storyline. If you can put up with and like "crack anime" I highly suggest getting this game for its surreal nature. As Master Chop-Chop Onion so pointedly puts to Lammy at the end of the  first level " I lost my dojo/casino but it's all in my mind. Lammy the guitar is in your mind."  Babies, chainsaws, firehoses, flight controls on a plane, and a few other things are all thought of as a guitar and treated with the reverence and sense of duty that rock endows with someone. All seven levels on the single player version DEFY I SAY anything that can be  put to paper as to what  you  will feel when playing and seeing them for the first time. Don't do drugs kids go out and play this game if you wanna see what  a bad trip would be like.


2.Soloing. After all what is a guitar without a solo? That's right just another instrument in the band, and where  would all the wankers go but into jazz. We couldn't do that  to jazz now could we. Oh yeah that's right I have a game to write about. If you complete the tasks in front of you, namely playing the tirangle,circle,L1,R1, square, and x button(R2 and L2 are for changing the pitch) in the correct order while doing a little freestyling in between you can solo if you can can your meter on the side up to the level of cool. This is where the fun comes as you can basically play whatever you want to as long as it goes along with the general feel and beat of the song. Easily the most fun part of the game.


3.Parapa Mode. After beating the  game as Lammy you can go through it again as the preteen dog rap star Parapa. The levels slightly change and this time you rap your way through instead  of rocking. While not as fun it still  is pretty damn cool.


4.The three different two player modes. There's compettive mode where you switch back and forth between lines to beat the game as  a team. The second mode is the compettive rap vs. rock mode. As parapa and LAmmy you take turns trying to outdo each other on points as you rock/rap the buttons that you are told to hit. The third and final mode is by far the best and most fun to play, competive rocking mode. As either Lammy or her evil and therefor immently better demon version Rammy. After all who'd wanna be Lammy when you can be Rammy, the one with the black and white skull shirt and the short messy black hair. Onfirst inspection Rammy looks as if she must have a good 1,479 scene points. The entire goal of this competition is to rock the other and take away all their points to win the game, simple enough.


            THE BAD

1. I suck at the game. When it all comes down to it I plain suck at  it. I might be able to rock out the tasty licks every now  but on the whole not so much. Having fingers as nimble as a 45 year old man with arthritis might not help matters. (Editor's note, Goose you are almost 40 and you're left arm never has been the same since yyou took that bump in the wrestling ring out there when you went to go see the Shooter wrestle.)


2. The contols. If you don't play the easy mode it can be tough. Unless you know the buttons don't even bother trying the game on anyhting but easy. The controls are handled well, it's just if you don't know them you're the proverbial carnivore at a vegan convention.



            Go out and buy this game if  you have a PS I tell you. If anyhting else juts to support games that actually allow you to rock. Besides where else to you get to rock out for your soul against a vaguely veiled  version of the devil who has the ever so lovely name of Teriyaki Yoko. When all is said and done, LEAVE IT TO LAMMY!!!!