Watch your ass boy-These bastards are vicious
Picture it if you can: your favorite band is rocking the stage and you feeling like hitting
the pit to show how much you are feeling the music, man. Then out of nowhere your head is knocked half off by some guy with
a fist the size of Montana- Has this happened to you? If it hasn't you may have at least witnessed such an occurrence while
at a concert/show.
Does anyone understand the mentality of those meatheads who go into a pit just to hurt people?
You know? The guys sporting the shirts of those chuga-chuga riff based bands like Hatebreed and Earth Crisis. Or you have
seen the frat boys that couldn't find a fifteen-year-old girl to rape so they stumbled into a show they shouldn't be at in
the first place. These show goers seem to be accessively aggressive when it comes to getting their groove on in the pit-more
than likely the 15-year-old just called the cops and they are pissed. But don't get me wrong. I see nothing wrong with rockin
out to the band pouring out their messages on the stage. However, when you go in sporting a mouth guard so you don't break
you teeth on the people you are head butting, then you may have more issues then the music can help you deal with-maybe you
need another outlet. But it doesn't seem likely
that we can prevent such people from entering the ring of pain that they seem to want to create, so I will try and give some
advice to you young rockers out there on how to keep safe when engaged by these homunculus mongoloids
For starters, know how to identify these perpetrators of pain: Most obvious are the threads these
angry people are wearing. You may see t-shirts like the aforementioned Hatebreed and Earth Crisis. But also watch out for
those metal guys who always seem angry about something, wearing Slipknot/Pantera/Slayer or any other agro metal shirt. But
dont get me wrong, I like Slayer just like the next guy, but lets face it, some guys take their affinity for that aggressive
music too far. The kicks are another way of foreseeing a future moment of an ass thrashing. Boots are a weapon of choice for
inflicting pain. Doc Marten boots could be a tell tale sign, but don't jump to conclusion when you see these, many hip kids
wear them because they are kick ass footwear-I being one of them. On a side note, I once saw a 60 Minutes special saying that
an easy way to identify Nazi Punks was by their Docs. As we all know the straight media and press know all there is to know
about any scene-nonetheless, its something to be aware of in any case.
vicious pain distributors also seem to only be into the music during the heavy breaks (which doesn't mean you shouldn't thrash
your balls off when you feel like it during a kickin riff ) but these kick ass parts of a song can present a convenient opportunity
to hurt people in the eyes of an outsider who really doesn't even like the music, so fuck them. So you know though, if you
see a guy that looks a little keyed-up while scanning around like the Terminator looking for a whole crowd of Sara Connors,
there could be trouble stewing and you may want to watch out. Next thing you know it could turn into a Bullfight, cause these
charismatic kids know how to organize their efforts. These guys know how to recognize each other and create a platoon of frat
boys ready to collapse like a raver on too much E
Last, and I think the most annoying are the Fred Durst wannabes that are scattered around various
places at a live performance. These hip cats seem to think they have something to prove to the world of playa haters so they
are angry little pimps looking to get down own your ass. These angry little people tend not to be as powerful in the pit as
the mongoloids. These easily identifiable drones may try to hurt you with insults instead of fists. No worries though- they
rarely have anything more insulting to say then the average elementary school bully. Be cautious of them just the same listening
to them spout their drivel could wither your IQ to the point of being like a person afflicted with Hydranencephaly (born with only a brain stem).
bothers me at larger shows where people are packed in like sardines is when a guy holds onto his girlfriend like she is a
second scrotum. Why do they do this? Could it be their insecurities about other people touching the little woman? The girl
that couldn't possibly take care of herself should they be separated, because she is so defenseless. Who the hell knows? It
is just bothersome and Annoying as hell.
In the end, for every half-wit that is there to be a douche nozzle there are fifty others there just to have a good
time. These are your people. You know who they are, you have seen them helping each other out at shows and just having a good
time. The hip kids you can be around without worrying too much about too much. There are a lot of idiots looking to crash
your party, a lot of whom I didn't mention here, but I didnt need to tell you people that, you are the cool kids who make
the scene as cool as it is.
and keep thrashing
superfashionclaude has once again commissioned me, nofashionLou, to show the other side of the coin. I have no idea
why he asked me though; it's not like I ever ripped his favorite black hoodie during an Endicott show or knocked him in the
junk during the same show. Oh wait yeah I did fuck that WAS me, and I thought it was a man in a chicken suit. Ok you all found
me out to the layperson watching a pit, I could easily be mistaken for a steakhead, but you have to remember: shit gets out
of hand at some shows and always will. This is not a condemnation but a chance to remember that punk [as used as a general
genre encompassing word] is DANGEROUS!, and that is part of its point. I know some reasons I go to shows is to pick up emo-sluts,
look stylin', buy some super underground 7 inch [that usually sucks but who cares!], get a new tee shirt and ummm oh yeah
release a shit load of angst. Sure I am 22 and probably go to counseling for anger management, but this is cheaper, can drink
with my crew, AND hit an after show party! And by no means will I try to justify mob mentality here, but I will give you [the
KIDS!] a chance to be aware and responsible for your actions if you do want to tear it up in the pit.
Oscar was right: DON'T BE A DICK! There is nothing that bothers me more than seeing an asshole who is out to hurt people all
in the name of punk rawk(!) and claiming it was just part of the scene. Those are usually jock frat boys that wandered into
a show and saw a bunch of kids bumping into each other and wanted to compensate yet again for their small winkies and repressed
homosexuality. They are the easy ones to spot as that they just have NO IDEA of whats going on. If I see these people at shows
its VERY easy to sidle up next to them and during a part of some song to knock them on their bums. Vigilante justice? Perhaps.
Am I worried about them ruining it for the rest of us? You betcha. Do I care? Nope.
to be aware of is that some shows are not dance-worthy. Sure the bands are rockin' out, but alas they are just going through
the motions [yeah that was pretty much a dig at all pop-punk bands, you know who you are]. Also anyone I see moshing at a
They Might Be Giants show is a fuck, and if I see them doing that there, I am jumping them [trust me at that point it's personal!].
Once I saw someone overly zealous at an Indigo Girls show and they had to be sternly lectured by a rather bullish women [oh
SHIT I just admitted to going to an Indigo Girls show].
No one is going to say that things DON'T get out of hand [oh wait, unless you ONLY go to emo /
New Wave shows, but you wont see me there anyway]; you will probably get bumped into, or an elbow to the sternum at some point
or another, just depends how many shows you go to. Hell, just watching bands I have been literally knocked unconscious from
being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Either stand in the back or be willing to risk it. If you do stand next to a pit,
stand there with legs shoulder length apart and an arm outstretched into a fist. It scares the pit-kids, gives you a chance
to react and a heads up... just in case.
With all that said, I guess I have a little explaining to do for those of us who get, well, really
excited during dance breakdowns [slowed but super heavy parts of songs that just scream: FLIP THE FUCK OUT!]. Most people
during these parts are doing their own little thing but dont go within 3 feet of them, cause its gonna hurt if you get
nailed. There is enough kicking, punching, and jumping around to make any European think they were in a soccer riot [except
the French who get scared of pansy bands like Coheed and Cambria].
There are a few variations of flipping out. One that I always find adorable is when I see a kid
that is JUST getting into punk and its obvious this is the first time that they have been to a show and Some Strange Reaction
wasnt the headliner. This is always the kid in the Blink 182 / Saves The Day / A Newfound Glory shirt, in pants that make
a raver quiver due to their monstrous size, and their hat backwards. They bounce up and down and into people. Since they weigh
like 97 pounds no one really minds; they are OBVIOUSLY happy and rockin out! This is rad to the M-A-X! He just needs to be
aware that if you get too out of control someone will come up to you and tell you to relax a little. Most of the time this
is not a problem, but it really is an etiquette issue.Then a band comes on that is a bit more metal or hardcore. At this point they realize they are in the line of fire.
In their heads they are thinking, "OH NO! Why is Uncle Claude swinging his arms akimbo?? HES GONNA GIVE HIMSELF A HEART ATTACK!".
Fret not little Johnny, thats just Uncle Claude's signature move. Now little Johnny has to be aware he's not just jumping
into people, but bigger people are jumping back. One can only guess what his thought process is if Uncle Claude is dancing
and THEN Papa Goose starts in with the Fist of JUSTICE! Evasive maneuvers are now his only HOPE to survive, except he starts
to see that they are being aware of their surroundings. These two dignified gentlemen are not going after anyone. Little Johnny
has an epiphany at that moment. It really IS about doing your own thing! At which he gets knocked on his ass by semiFashionEJ-
hey it was a metal riff he HAD to represent.
The next dance move we are going to cover is what I always see Dan the Loser do: its almost a
ballerina-esque high kick. He goes back and forth across the pit with no abandon. Its like watching a swan take off of a shimmering
lake of glass in the mountains, or at least a retarded one with one wing TRYING to take off. It rocks regardless and he doesnt
give a FUCK so I am down with it. [Plus he wears Luau Shirts, which makes him a secret agent of dancing.]
Now what happens if it's someones favorite band playing. They know: every word to every song,
every dance beat, are pissed off cause they got dumped or hate their boss, and are there to go fucking NUTS. Yeah this was
me a few times. Shit ok most of the time. Its not like I WANT to hurt people, but arms simply flail into groins for
some reason. Personally, I am a big fan of kicking in circles, and YES I do wear Doc Martens, so if those get put in your
face you are gonna feel it for a few weeks. Just stay away and be aware of those that are there to go crazy, but do not hurt
others intentionally. If you are one of those that just aren't aware of their strength: DONT BE A DICK. Yeah we said this
before but one can't overstate the fact. People can look the other way, but if you want to hurt people something tells
me that the pit will suck for you.
Next, metal shows: these are all scary. Wear a mouth guard, a suit of armor [complete with a cloak
and battle axe to fit in] and unless you LOVE blast beats stick to the back of them.
Finally, to the ladies: Get in there! Stop being speaker rats, coat hangers or just there. MORE
CLIT IN THE PIT! Learn a few moves and just start throwing elbows. You are going to be fine! All guys have a sixth sense of
anytime a woman is around, we are gonna back off and let you do all you want. Honestly! I once saw Gen Black OWN the pit during
At War With Shadows; she weighs MAYBE a hundred and three pounds.
Thats it I guess. I hope you enjoyed todays installment of superfashionchic. Go out there, get
hussied up, and please for everyones sake: if you knock someone over and you see it pick him or her up. This is a time for
fun not a time for fuck ups.
Nofashionlou is right on all fronts. I wholeheartedly agree with him. He knows where its at, and
his is the philosophy to have when at a show. It is all about having fun and getting out the frustration you have pent up
from all the pains in the ass we experience in the world. The appeal is being able to vent one's frustration. And being able
to say we are the young angry motherfuckers that have something to say.
Anyone at a show can have a temporary release when they throw kicks and punches in the pit. So,
obviously you gotta watch your ass no matter what when you are in the pit. Cause he, I or any number of people may have just
found out our girlfriend just sucked some guy off last weekend or got shit on at our job, and we are little mad about the
whole situation and if you get your ass in the way you are gonna get thrashed. It's a harsh world in there: that can be both
fun and dangerous-but hey, that's the turn-on. Its about a freedom that we all have; a freedom to not give a fuck, and just
do what an individual wants.
This being the case means that getting out aggression at a punk/hardcore show is a better place
to do it then most. It is a free environment to get a little nuts and freak out like you don't usually get a chance to do
anywhere else. Plus its a lot healthier then sitting at home sulking and thinking about how much life really does suck.
I would like to point out the ballerina-esque high kick that lou endorses. These moves are high
risk and at the same time cool as hell. You take the risk of getting your ass knocked out of mid-air like a kangaroo in a
polar bear cage, but this move is hot and can get you some respect if you can look bad ass doin it-it takes timing and finesse
though, not everyone is gifted enough to be able to rock aerials.
Well, any more on this subject and I will feel like I am beating a dead horse. When it gets down
to it, the hip kids know who the dicks are and how to avoid them or at least how to kick them in the balls to make them think
The final note is on lou's call for MORE CLIT IN THE PIT. Which is by far the best idea I have
heard in some time. Ladies you need to rage it up out there and represent. Show that testosterone has nothing on estrogen
when you kick it in overdrive. Plus you just look way more attractive then sweaty men.